Why Can't I be Satisfied???

Hello again to you out there in the Blogisphere (is that a word? - who knows). The plans for my entry this week changed just a few minutes ago when I read the blog of a friend of my oldest daughter. C (my daughter) and M have been friends since elementary school - C and I were able to visit with M when we took our trip to NYC last year in March. M has a great blog that you should read sometime (Even the Fleas - cute title).

So, what does M's blog have to do with why I changed what I was going to write about - her subject this week got me thinking about a lot of areas of MY life - you see M's blog talked about affluence- or the pursuit of "things" - and that pursuit of things has been behind quite a few of the situations I have been forced to deal with the last month or so.

You see, as I have said in past posts, I have been thinking about going back to work - I even did all the steps necessary to get my teaching certification restored (yes, that is done - all I need to do is get hired by a county) which leads to the problem. Due to the great state of Florida's method of taxation, the state is in a dire financial bind - and they (meaning the state) has cut funding to education (all schools throughout the state have seen major funding shortfalls). This means the county that I live in and assumed I would be able to get a teaching position in this school year is NOT hiring - nor are any of the surrounding counties that are within a reasonable driving distance.

Sooooo, I looked at other places that I might be able to work and lo and behold, one of the few counties in the state that IS hiring is POLK county - or the county that Dan and I retired from six years ago. Now, Polk county is just a three to four hour drive from our home in North Florida; therefore, I would not be driving back and forth every day. We thought that I would stay in Lakeland during the week (living with my youngest daughter and son-in-law - wouldn't that be a treat for her!) and I would either come home every other weekend or I would come home one weekend, stay in Lakeland a weekend, Dan would come down a weekend, stay at home a weekend - get the drift. In other words, we would only see each other twice in a month - not the best of circumstances. However, I would have a job.

Now, I filled out the application (yes, even though I worked for the county for fourteen years, I still had to go through all the channels and jump through all the hoops). I even had an interview set up, when Dan and I both came to our senses. What were we thinking - this is STUPID! Which leads me to the question, why in the world would I even consider doing something so stupid????? The answer to that is the almighty dollar!

You see, Dan and I have a very lovely home (I might even post a picture of it sometime) and we are able to pay our bills on time every month - BUT, we don't feel we have the spare money to do the extra things we want to do - like travel, build a pergola in the back yard, new camper, new bedroom furniture, new clothes (now there is a good reason for that "want", but more about that in a later post), Dan a boat, did I mention travel - get the idea??? And, this is the killer, we aren't satisfied with what we have - I mean we always want to make things better.

Which leads me back to M's blog about affluence - why can't I/we be satisfied with what I/we have???? Maybe it has something to do with "the American dream" - you know what I mean - that generational thing where your parents want you to have things better than they did, and how are you going to do that IF you don't go out and get stuff. Maybe it's a disease that I/we suffer from - you know that "I just have to have something", even when there is nothing wrong with what I already have.

I can give you a very good example of this problem. This week I canned peaches (Yes, Susie-Ann homemaker is still alive and well, thank you very much for asking). I did half peaches in quart jars, sliced peaches in pint jars, and peach preserves in jelly jars (and I did a good job, even if I do say so myself) - but that leads me to my excess - instead of borrowing a canner (the great big pot that you have to put your fruit (in my case) into for the 'water bath') Dan and I went to Wal Mart and bought one of our own - I even talked to Dan about borrowing one - I had a friend who volunteered to let me use hers, but no, I had to have my own - WHY? In my defense, I don't like to borrow things - never have ( I did borrow a camper one time - and that was a disaster - I mean after I wrecked the thing and had to pay a couple of thousand dollars to get it fixed I decided that borrowing things was not a good idea - I'm pretty bright huh?). The other thing was (this is my usual defense) the canner only cost $20.00.

Maybe, it's advertising (sorry, M)- You know the false belief that "if you have this certain product (whether it's shampoo, face cream, clothes, car, house, etc.) you will be happier, you'll have more friends, you'll be admired, etc". Maybe, it has to do with my childhood belief that I wasn't good enough. Maybe it's guilt (for what I have no idea)- Maybe it's a combination of all the above! Who knows what has caused it - the real question is what can I/we do about it.

I once had a sweatshirt that said "Happy with what I have, but always willing to have more", and that was my belief at the time. I had just gotten divorced, had my first job teaching, had my two girls, and the first home I had ever bought on my own. Even though we (my girls and I) didn't have a lot of extras, I was happy with what I had and proud of what I had accomplished. I think I need to work on getting back to that point in my life - just being happy with what I have (and I have soooo very much to be happy/thankful about), and, if something extra comes along, be willing and thankful to accept it.

So, you might ask, what about the job situation? I (we) have decided that I will stay here in Suwannee County - maybe do some long term substitute teaching (I don't think I want to do daily substitute teaching this year), look into the tutoring program and see if that is an option, and I have interviewed for a position here in the "village" which might produce a part time job. All of these options means a lot less of the almighty dollar, but I will be home where I want to be. If none of these things work out, we'll just have to work with what we have, try and save a little here and there, and our children might just have a smaller Christmas this year. No matter what happens, I'm going to work on "being happy with what I have".

Until next time America!